Just fell off a train. Bad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
