I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
