I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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