Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
