I'm drive I can fine osifer
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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