Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
