I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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