You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
