I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I looked at my own cervix.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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