Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize