I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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