He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
