i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
