You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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