We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
