I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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