dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
