physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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