If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
