i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
