The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
