dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
