Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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