I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
