While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
