i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
