Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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