I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
