I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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