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White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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