I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
