I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
