Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
