The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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