I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
