I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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