Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
