Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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