the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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