It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
