I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i think im in europe. pls send help
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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