You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
