his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
