he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
