all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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