Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
