Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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