I want to walk on stilts...naked
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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