O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
