whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize