i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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