remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
