Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
