i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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