i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
