It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
