I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
