my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
