that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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