so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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