I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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