I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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