Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
