I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
