Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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