nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize