Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
