Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
