Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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