the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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