Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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