Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
