Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
