Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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