I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Mom said you looked used
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
