I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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