I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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