so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
